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Gabriella Lowhar Memorial

Gabriella's Memorial Book

For Gabriella's memorial (April 23, 2005), our friend Debra put together a 
blank book that people could do more than just sign their names in when they 
arrived.  Debra pasted a picture of Gabriella on the inside of each of the 
first twelve pages.  On the cover of the book was a Post-It note that said, 
"Please share your special thoughts and memories here."  People did just that.  
Some people wrote very simple phrases such as "our thoughts and prayers are 
with you," but others took quite a bit of time to write down what they were 
thinking about, what they felt.

Included here, in the order that they were written in the book, are the 
writings that said anything but "our prayers are with you," followed by a name:

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Miss you and wish you were alive.  Thanks for being Mom.

                                          Dominic Lowhar

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Hang in there, Adam and Dominic.  Gabi: I'll miss our talks till five in the 
morning, whenever I came and visited you guys.  Thanks for having put up with 
me; and for letting me visit so often.  Sorry you weren't around to see my 
script get to a polished stage.  (The smart women in it, as you know, you 
inspired.)  I thank you, again, for having introduced me to some cool novel 
authors: Neal Stephenson among them.  Means a lot to me.  Thanks for being a 

                                          Ward Shrake

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It's been so good knowing Gabriella since she was friends with our son, Paul 
Baptiste, during their high school days.  Then onto the present when Gabriella, 
Adam and Dominic were part of the book of the month club where we still cherish 
sharing our ideas and thoughts with the members of the group.  May Gabriella 
rest in peace.  And may Adam, Dominic and their extended families live fully 
and joyously throughout your lives.

                                          George and Ginny Baca

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It's a walk, sometimes a short one, sometimes a long one.  Each step is a 
measure of the time that we're allotted.  Each step of the walk is the picking 
up of the foot... and of course... laying back down.

Gabriella always charmed us with her unique view of events, people, and things.  
She was a bright, witty & kind person.  As in the picture below [where she is 
smiling and holding a "cat"], when she had your attention she paid attention.  
God bless her and you and yours, Adam


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When we first met Gabriella she was pregnant and she started in our book club.  
Nobody but Paul really knew her and she was getting chubbier every month.  She 
was funny and opinionated and a real asset to the book club.  One month she 
wasn't there and Paul said she was in the hospital having her baby.  We were 
really surprised because we didn't know she was pregnant.  She was getting 
bigger but none of us knew her well enough to ask if she was pregnant!!  We 
will miss her and hope to see Adam and Dominic at our monthly meetings.  We 
will pray for both of you.

                                          Love Linda and Bill McCollam

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Gabi was an amazing woman- I will miss her. I knew her many years before I 
found out she knew Paul and later Adam.  I was very happy when I found out they 
ended up together.  Gabi was online w/ the name SeleneCeline & I spent a lot of 
hours talking with her.  I am sorry she's gone, but I won't forget her...

                                          Eric Finch

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What can I write about Gabriella?  So much of my life was touched by her in so 
many ways.  Memories of growing up are sprinkled with her influence.  To say 
she was important would be superfluous, yet I find I am at a loss for words.  
We went from being crazy kids to crazy adults together- although secretly I 
always thought she was much better at growing up than I was.  Into adulthood we 
shared that secret joy of youth & had a friendship which lasted through moves 
from East Coast to West Coast & to Europe & back.  I never minded the midnight 
phone calls.  I looked forward to them.  I was and am still awed at Dominic.  
It is an honor to be part of his life.  I see that magical, wonderful spark of 
Gabriella in his eyes.  I loved Gabriella more then I can communicate through 
words.  But I miss her.  I miss her so much it hurts.  God be with you, 
Gabriella, and may God bless Adam & Dominic.

                                          With all my love,
                                          Paul Baptiste &
                                          Eveliina &

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Adam and Dominic,

I've known you guys for many years and Gabriella will be missed greatly.  Hang 
in there.  You have my deepest sympathy.

                                          Adam Barrera

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You guys all rock!
Seriously, Gabriella had the most generous heart and I'll miss her dearly, but 
I'm glad to have the chance to become so close to all three of you.  I love you 


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It's always the things that she has done that occur to me, friends she has 
helped, advice she has given.  I'm at a loss to think of anything that she has 
asked for, except for time, the one thing that I never have a supply of...  I 
am so sorry, and I wish that I had said more to her than to a damn piece of 


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I was so young when I first met Gabi, my eyes are tearing now that I have a 
second alone with this silly paper.  I am going to miss your shoot from the hip 
advice that was dead on.  I have learned to speak better because of you.  I 
love you Gabi and will miss you.


P.S.  I know you will be proud of me, I did well on this day.

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Dear Adam and Dominic,

I choose this page to express my thoughts & feelings to you because I love this 
picture of Gabriella [where she is holding flowers as a child].  No matter how 
much Gabriella surprised (shocked?) me with her body piercings, unusual ideas, 
her manner of dress and her actions, I have always loved her because I always 
felt her innocent, gentle, childlike nature.  In spite of her vast intelligence 
& perhaps because of my lack of it, we connected at the heart, a very important 
place of feeling and acceptance.  Adam and Dominic, I love you both so much and 
I know that Gabriella's life was a great gift to both of you.  But I would not 
be abiding in my love for Gabriella if I did not tell you that I sense her 
death is also a great gift to you.  In that same place of the heart where 
Gabriella & I connected in her life, that place of feeling & acceptance, I 
sense that Gabriella is in a Great Shining place that we can hardly imagine.  
That Shining Place surrounds us & fills us & sustains us to the extent we keep 
ourselves open to LOVE.

                                          With much love,
                                          Mom and Granny Linda

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When I think about Gabriella, I always remember how smart she was.  I always 
learned something new whenever we hung out.  She has a very open mind and was 
one of the few people who listened to my weird ideas and could appreciate me 
for who I was.


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I miss her.  I want her brown eyes back.


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Getting to know Gabriella over the past eight years has been a high point in my 
life.  Although, I was never as close to her as I wanted... I regret not taking 
the time to be there more.  She was a beautiful person & I will miss her 
dearly.  I will miss spending countless hours waiting for Tina with Gabriella!  
She'd be... unsurprised to know that Tina was about five hours late today!


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Gabriella was a force to be reckoned with.  She was smart and beautiful and 
kind.  I remember when we first met we had an engaging conversation about the 
occult: ESP, spirits, and whatnot.  Sometimes we would see movies together, and 
then discuss them for hours afterwards.  Her charm and grace was evident by her 
demeanor.  She always knew how to make people feel comfortable and accepted.  
We both used to love reading science fiction, especially Star Wars books.  I 
will miss her; she was just a wonderful person.


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I will and do and have missed coffee with you- you "recessive gene."


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Dear Gabriella,

I've not a clue what to write even though there are a million thoughts & 
memories in my head.  I specifically chose this page because it's your senior 
photo- I remember it being one of your favorites, especially the one printed in 
the yearbook.  I was all of 14 & you 15 when we met, I never imagined how much 
our friendship would change and enrich my life.  That we managed to stay 
friends & confidants for 17- eep! years, that even if weeks, months- several in 
fact- [passed], one of us would seek the other out.  Like, when you moved out 
to LA after high school & we hadn't really talked or written- neither one of us 
was very good at that, huh?- you sent me the coolest Christmas parcel, it had 
the freaky bunny-type character, Binky from Life in Hell card, pothole tights & 
something else- a necklace, maybe?- bah, damn memory fails me again.  You said 
you missed me & just wanted to stay in touch, that meant so much to me.  I hope 
that I provided you with the same type of memories.  I think I could fill this 
whole book with all of our exploits.  We met because of Bryce Tappan, you 
wanted to hook up with him & I told you what a bad bad bad idea that was.  Your 
endless supply of black riding boots with the buckle type flaps at the top, 
they we sooo tiny, but of course they'd be tiny, you had tiny feet.  Do you 
remember when I told you that your toes looked like peanut butter M&Ms & I had 
one of those weird impulse control moments & wanted to bite one?  You wouldn't 
let me.  Then there was Josh Gibson.  Or when you hit Dave Clark & Aidvian 
Apodact in my front yard because Dave & you were breaking up & he was being a 
complete putz.  I still have the razor blade.  Dressing you up like a Christmas 
tree on acid.  Acid.  Seeing Bauhaus in LA.  Too many boyfriends & breakups to 
mention.  Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Touch-a-touch-a-touch me...  The 
Frontier- the corner shop in Corrales, plus the restaurant.  When you & Scott 
move from LA & lived in front of my house in a VW van.  The first time Carmen 
let you drive my car.  Walking around the hospital wing you were in labor with 
Dominic.  That dance you do when you're happy or excited, while singing boinka 
boinka boinka.  You were Obtuse & I was Obvious.  :-)  Or when you said we were 
"OG," Original Goth.  You were always there for me.  I can't remember what 
exactly was happening in my life at the time but you had a dream about me, that 
I needed help & you called me to check on me & I did need a friend.  You never 
judged me or my choices.  Ever.  And I will love you always for that.  I'm 
honored that I was the one female friend in your life for the long haul.  I 
will miss you every day of my life.  Who am I going to talk to about stupid 
boys & their thoughtless actions?  I know there's the other girls, but our 
conversations were different, I can't explain it but I know you understand.  
You weren't supposed to leave me this soon, far too soon.  You always scolded 
me when I killed a spider.  What odd things I remember.  She Sells Sanctuary.  
So much more to say but not enough words to say them.  I know Dominic will 
realize how really very truly special he was to you- you hated kids- ALL kids- 
except Dominic.  Hell, you learned to sew for his cow costume.  Super Cow!  All 
we ever wanted was everything...

                                          I love you,

P.S. London, Paris- best birthday escape ever ever ever.